I'd like to be..

i haven't ljed in ages O:
 but i am nao + that is because i need your thoughts, on moi with blonde hair again] btw i didn't just facy Zooey Deschanel's hair, i have a fringe nao too :)

 irights that is a virtual makeover + i know the ictures tiny + cra

p but i like it + i eed les o

pinions  :D

+ i know half my litters are on the wrong lines, my keyboard's got missing letterss + o have to

paste them all O:

i'm almost finished my exams, sort of, just eng, french, eng, textiles, + more french. maths paper 2 calculator [FOUNDATION :S] was today, + it wasn't disastrous, i think i got 40-50/70. i was in a good mood for about 12 seconds, but now i'm in a really bad one..
 oh well.

Last week I did some amateur modelling for Kassy Harris, a photography student :). I had a really good time ^_____^
 I'll post the pictures so far [well, the good ones :)] under a cut.
All photos © Kassy Harris.

( music is my dead-end. )

Hee :) I had lots of fun modelling, but it was a pretty terrible day; it was quite cold + wet, in places, but :) nice. when it's a nice day, we're going to go to the beach + take photos there too, + in the studio some time. ^_____^ I'm so excited, I love modelling, + I suppose I'm learning :3. 

Lol. I've sort of lost my appetite, which I appreciate :) except for chocolate, hahaha. i like chocolate. + haribo. but no meals.

today has been so good! :) first of all i had my maths non-calculator GCSE, which wasn't terrible.
i thought i would totally fail but it was okay, actually. + then i went to the beach with ami + vicki, + it was so fun :) we sat in this little park with flowers + took photos. + then we went through the park + all these seagulls chased vicki for her chips lmfao! "EE, why are they coming for 'is?!"
 hahah. + these scary pervy blokes on the metro, "how old are you?" "sixteen" "just old enough!" "HELP!" hahahaha.

today:
breakfast: one crumpet [71]
lunch: orange capri sun [43.2]
dinner: supernoodles [165]
snacks: special k bites [99], coffee x2, [10] tea [5]
calories: 393.2

today's been really good. tomorrow we're going for a picnic, so i'll have to pack some things. i'm excited :) even if i do have english literature first. it should be alright, lord of the flies + poetry from other cultures. i quite enjoy writing, so :). i wonder what to put in my picnic. i might make a bento ! of what, though.. celery, carrots, pepper, cucumber, mushrooms.. + a finesse bar. hmm.. i'll just fill a box with vegetables + fruit, all cut + sliced up + arranged like a bento.

now it's tuesday, may 13th & it's 8:35 & i've done 110 situps. i've done an hour of R.E. revision & i actually almost forgot i had a break. i like the new me, that goes to bed at 10:30 & reads russell brand then actually sleeps, & doesn't watch TV until 1:30 or binge eat.

calories today.

breakfast: 1 crumpet [71 cals]
lunch: grapes [10], carrot sticks [8], four cream crackers [128]
dinner: bbq flavour supernoodles [165]
snacks: 1 cream cracker [36], coffee x3 [15]
calories: 433.
433 calories hahaha. i feel so good. i need to keep this up; R.E. exam tomorrow.
situps revise situps revise situps revise & half hour break & then just repeat until... well, whenever.

if i keep this up i have 12 pounds to spend. i stayed back from school tonight, & i finished my I.T. work & uploaded it to the eportfolio & exported it & everything. 120 situps now. i'm excited. study leave on friday + afterwards we should do something fun. ahaha. i have to do claire's leavers book; she's got one in case she goes to college next year or i don't get into sixth form.
today i found out most subjects are looking for B's now. wow, haha. Bs. perfect, wow. i am getting, probably:

A/B - french
A/B - spanish
A*/A - english
B/C - RE
C - I.T.
C/D - textiles
E - maths
C - science

my half hour break is over in 12 minutes & 2 of those will be spent doing my next 10 situps.
God, i actually pray that i lose some weight. if i haven't at least gone back down to 126 i'll die.
i really will. 130 situps now. i can feel the difference already. i hope tomorrow i will feel even more different. :) okay tomorrow is wednesday. half way point of the week, day after R.E. exam. DO NOT BINGE. if i binge i have to keep my money, which is good for my pocket but bad for my shopping addiction. 170 situps, by now.

i've done an hour & a half of revision & 170 situps. :) i have three days left of year eleventy, & none of them are full days; i either have exams or leavers' mass. tomorrow in P.S.M.E. i have to go to the church & practise for the leavers' mass, which should be interesting as i have no backing track. however my I.T. is all finished, exported & put in the dropbox. so I.T. i no longer have to stress about. only need to worry about:

RE
french
spanish
maths
english
textiles
:)

yay. i can do that, i mean, i'll worry myself to death but i can do that. weee saturday + friday
+ next week i'm getting my prom shoes + stuff.
 haha i'm addicted to www.gprime.net/game/ . is amazing. hahah i recommend chill out 3: curry chaos & goldminer. i wish i could go to bed :( i'm exhausted. i'm so worried for tomorrow. 2 hours. i can write RE rubbish in like 2 minutes. i wish i could give up & !! ughh. i hate life. 180 situps. now 190, yay 10 left. ughh i'm so tired. 

lulz goldminer. lmfao side note, what are bugger eyes?
i'm going to stop posting now. post for today = done. byee.

today it is monday 12th may & it is 6:15. i need to do 200 situps. i need to revise for my R.E. GCSE on wednesday. i need to do this properly. i love everyone & everything i am in control & this is perfect. okay. i've done 10 situps [10 every 10 minutes :) i waited until it got to 6:20.] & when it gets to 6:30 i will do 10 more & start my R.E. revision. 3 minutes of freedom & LJ-writing left before it starts. & i have to do this properly otherwise it will all fall apart & i will be fucked.

calories so far:
breakfast: 2 crumpets [71 calories each]. 142 
lunch: special k bites 99. 4 cream crackers [36 calories each] 144. grapes 10
dinner: vegetarian BBQ flavour supernoodles 165.
snacks: coffee x3 15.
calories: 575

okay 575 is awful. awful. now it's 7:03 & i have done 50 situps. & half an hour of R.E. revision.
 i love my half hour breaks but i do not deserve them. i'm still doing situps every 10 minutes.
serves me right for bingeing so much these last few weeks. i am so tired & so dizzy but i love it.
 i have some money to spend on saturday, but if i binge even once i'm not going to spend it.
that's a good idea. since clothes >>>>> food, in my opinion, i should definitely stick to this.

i am going to my grandma's on friday night & i'm getting weighed for the first time in three weeks. if i've gained weight, then.. ugh. i am not going to give up. prom is 23rd may. i WILL be thin i will be thin i will be thin.

ugh i hate mondays. karen carpenter is right :) although it wasn't raining that much today, rounders was just awful. sure, P.E., good exercise & everything, totally up for that, but.. not fat natalie. i mean, i quite like running round the base & everything, & batting, but fielding is fail.

i mean it would have been quite fun to just run around & bat for the whole lesson, but no.
 hahaha. well, yeah, we had to field & i was just standing there & even when i do go & get the ball & throw it back, she's still not fucking satisfied.. & it makes me so upset, even though i shouldn't even care. she kept asking our teacher if we could swap someone else on the team for me & i was like 'i'm in your class, i am generally going to be on your team!' & then they just started on like me & my friends in general, like when we were waiting for batting & talking they were like 'i'm going to smash their fuckings mouths in' & i was like ugh. & it was just, like, the worst P.E. lesson ever & it was the last, ahhaah wow. i hate P.E. so glad it's finished.

only one full day of school left. tomorrow. wednesday; R.E. GCSE thursday; spanish listening.
 i quite like listenings :) but my mam is constantly telling me to revise & i'm like I DO.
 haha 70 situps. this hurts. i love it. i mean i love her but it's not like "hi :) are you feeling stressed about your exams?" it's like "hi :) here's your tea, we're going to the metro centre see you soon STUDY." i mean it's not like i don't study. if i just genuinely did nothing, yeah.. then she can be worried, but you know. when she came in before they left to tell me she would be leaving in a minute i thought she might ask me then about exams & studying & pressure & how i'm feeling & stuff but yeah, well, wow, no, what a surprise. so then they left & I was like oh my god. i hate being left in the house on my own because i usually b/p. but today i didn't. & i won't.

now it's 9:50 & i'm finished my situps. i did 200. i did my R.E. revision. tomorrow i'm staying after school with Jasmine to finish my I.T. work & upload everything to the eportfolio because mine is being sent away to be marked by the invigilator. if i wasn't under enough pressure.
it's just like i can't talk to anyone about it, like in french when chloé had a nervous breakdown over her spanish & i was like 'i've had two & i'm fine' & me & ami were discussing how everyone's got the same fates, like hundreds of exams & that she was being melodramatic so i can't tell her that school & exams & pressure is killing me.

it's just like.. yeah. i have to control myself. control is key. willpower. today has been a good day. I WILL NOT FUCK UP. i have done lots of revision & situps & stretches & stuff.
 but i really need someone to do this too. not online. i really need a friend. i know, i've got plenty but God. they're all so lovely, & so nice but they don't understand, & they couldn't ever to be honest. i love my boyfriend, he's lovely but i feel so awful telling him things because he's my boyfriend; he shouldn't have to deal with this. i should be lovely when i'm with him, & wear cute dresses & be nice to him & cuddle him lots. instead i stay silent for ages because 'i'm thinking', & tell him everything that should definitely definitely be kept to myself.

one month yesterday, wow. i finally made something work :) i love him, i need to see him but.. when? not sunday because i've got my maths exam on the monday.. the thing is i haven't got enough time in the world to do everything i need to do. my mother insists i make time for the things i want to do, like go to parties & shop & go for coffee but i don't make time to tidy my room or do any basic chores & i am like 'i have GCSEs, for the next two months i am doing absolutely nothing but revising & passing my GCSEs.'

i am so tired. not like, tiredtired, i am in fact physically exhausted but in general exhausted. 
 i feel like i want to give up & curl up in a little ball & die. i wish i lived on my own so i could control absolutely everything. i want to control all these exams & the revision & everything.
 i wish i could change everything. i wish i could stop writing this too :3

in fact i will. i'm going to post daily from now on.

so. I did my Spanish speaking :) & it was surprisingly totally fine; I got like an A apparently, wow.. so on the saturday i went to town with bex, & i bought this cute little flowery, lacy skirt in primark for 8 quid. i had a lovely lovely day :) & on the friday of my spanish exam it was also y11 picture day~! 

that friday night i just stayed at home & watched tv & binggggggged. disaster. but now it is tuesday 6th may & i am 100% back in control, wow! [from yesterday]
 crumpets x2 [71]
 fitnesse bar [90] 5 cream crackers [180 !]
supernoodles [65]
grapes [10]
calories: 416.

 yes yes yes. i have not been below 500 calories in so long, i love it love it love it. 

on sunday i went to newcastle with dom & we went to the lame [laing] art gallery :) it was pretty crap XD but we took lots of photos, & first we went to collectables café. i love it, it's like our little place. i kept playing with the little <1> thing for our table & he took it off me like a naughty child :D i love him i love him i love him. i wore my lovely new skirt, my white peter pan shirt & my pink new romantic cardigan :) 

in the lame art gallery i made him sit & take photos with me in the little lounge bit >:3

 ademas [XD] i have what i suppose could be called progress photos.


food log.
 crumpet [71]
 fitnesse bar [90] 4 cream crackers [144!]
supernoodles [65]
grapes [10]
4 sesame seed crackers [60]
calories: 440.

oh! :) i am doing so perfectly. ilovelovelove this.

i feel large. large & in charge, as me & Rhiannon used to say.

but nevermind because in general i am happy.

yesterday i went to sunderland with my boyfriend dom :) he's so lovely to me.
 we took photos in the winter gardens & in wilkinson's café [lol:)] & he's lovely.
so i'm going to post some pictures.

 the photo of the poster of Julian Barratt I took in HMV for dom :) he's a 'barratt man', while i prefer the fielding :)
 i also like a bit of barratt, but he's full of 9h4i1 :) in a good way.

 dom's hot chocolate & my tea :). i made a right tit of myself in the galley :) when i went to pour the milk in it it went *SPURT* & it was an outrage & my tea was an hero.
 
 the lovely alice in wonderland style tiny house in the winter gardens. i love the little tea cups & things so i took a picture.
 dom & me. my lovely lovely boyfriend wow.
on our 1 week anniversary. he is so very lovely :) & he is obsessed with hannibal, slash, & encylcopediadramatica LULZ. on the metro & bus we cuddle :) & he puts his arm around my shoulders & i lie my head on his shoulder & i take his hand & stroke it & he strokes my hair & my cheek. :) wow. 
 this is amazing :) i love him. <3

so, wow. it was our one week anniversary on friday :) & i had such a lovely day with him. i love that we just sit & talk about things & nothing at all, in cafés for ages, & that we've been to a grand total of:

collectables café; with the pots of confusing pebbles & the confudding cappucino.
costa coffee café in WH smith; in the metro centre, where we discussed life after death in an indepth way over tea & cappucino.
little café in the metro centre :); where we passed collectables about 2847 times.
the galley café in ever-glamorous wilkinsons :) - where i contemplated the size of my arms [wheyy] & dom almost didn't pay :O!
M&S café!; where he pretended/tried/FAILED to steal my bag :)!

i'm tired of posting now :)
 will post some time ... later in the month/year. :)
[xxxx]

yesterday [& it was khamryn's birthday too <3 happy belated birthday~]. 
 i was sixteen! :)
wow, sweet sixteen huh.
 i don't feel any different to be honest, i wish i did.

mkkkkkkkkkk
 i\ll write what it was like & my date tomorrow :)
here's some photos hahaa.
 jasmine west & me in burger king :) i bought a cardigan from h&m ^____^ i love it, it's that red one.
 i love jasmine :) she's mint!
 me & vicki at my house :) i love vicki, she's really lovely & lauren thinks we're cassie & michelle.
 www.myspace.com/mad_as_a_hatstand :) check my 16th birthday.
 me & jamie :) isn't he so lovely?
 me & jasmine :) i love her lol, she was so drunk here XD :) & i -look- drunk, hahaha.
 me :) jasmine took this one, she said it was pretty, lol. i like how my cardigan looks XD.

today :)
 was the manga conventiony thing in the metro centre :) it was fun but we got thrown out of metro centre.

I know my Spanish is incorrect :) I watched Funny Face [Audrey Hepburn, Fred Astaire] this morning before I went to the town with Jamie & Ami :). I love it, Audrey Hepburn's voice is so pretty and old-fashioned, and she's so ... beautiful, and veryveryvery thin. I loved the fact that it was a musical :) It was so lovely, & full of innocence & everything.

Town was quite good ^__^ I bought another cardigan, hee. It's pale pink, v-neck and has a ruffled bottom, it's so cute. I tried on a cute pink top in H&M, but it was an outrage XD. I looked awful :| It made me see that I have still got a longg way to go. :); 
 We sat in Costa Café again, and I bought a Special K bar & a Fruit Shoot drink. I wanted to buy another dress in Primark, & even though I had money & could have, the dress I really liked was only in a size 16, and I'm hopefully not anywhere near :).
 We saw a 1940s boy today, in Central Station & Ami fell in love with him, he had red socks on like an evacuee, a vintage suit, a military jacket, a satchel [for his gasmask XD] & an old fashioned briefcase, wow.

Today was fun, I had a nice time :) & Skins is on in 12 minutes, woo~
Ahh :( It's got so cold & Soviet in England all of a sudden, again..
 it was snowing earlier, like, proper actual blizzardy Tundraaaaaaaaa.

I'm bored :( Je suis ennui ! Oh well. I'll post tomorrow.
byee.
xxxxx

happy easter ^___^
 I got lots of easter eggs but I've had 2 tiny boxes of smarties.
We went to grandma's for dinner :) & I had vegetables & two big mushrooms with couscous in them.

I had a nice day, & i wore my lacy dress i wore for Juno on Thursday.
I took photos of course. To add to my outfits of 2008 file XD..

Tomorrow I'm going to the town again, with Jamie & Ami :)
I'm excited :) I love going out, it's so fun =]
 On Saturday I think we're having a Victorian tea party & Jamie can take photos, for his 'impressionism' art project. :) Wow, I'm so excited.

I might get a little cardigan tomorrow, I haven't indulged in my cardigan obsession for a while.. I wonder what to wear, whoa. I might wear my little 1950s housewifey dress, I love it so much. 
 Easter proved to be ... interesting. My grandma offered me food [like, extra food] constantly. I ate my meal, okay. And I left the potatoes but I didn't want them. And I refused dessert but I was actually really full. ^^; My grandma offered everyone cheesecake and I said no predictably, but she was really.. trying to force me to eat. I was like "no thanks :)" and she was like "can I just give you a really tiny slice?" & I was like "you can't force me to eat" & she was like "I can." :| 
 And I was just innocently sitting drinking my coffee, and my Granda was like "you are getting thinner by the minute" and I was like "no I'm not.." I mean.. it's Easter Sunday, and my aunty & uncle Emma & Joseph were sitting there & I was like .. there's no need.

So now it's 8'o clock :) & I'm just sitting writing away.. I love writing stuff down in this. I got weighed today, at my grandma's. I've lost 2lb since yesterday, wow! I'm 131lb now. It sounds so lovely & small compared to 135lb. 

Hmmmm~ I might ring Beccy, I haven't talked to her for a while, & Claire. I need to go out with them soon :) But not this Saturday.
 This Saturday I have to help Jamie & Ami with the Victorian tea party.
What we need, really, is the places like the cream teashops in Somerset, wow, they were so nice. And an old china teaset.

oh finally :)! i have broken my plateau of 9st 7lb [135lbs] ! 
i have been 9st 7lb for so long.. but finally :) 9st 5lb!
 when i saw it on the scales last night i was like oh wow !
so now i am a size 10, almost light & woww.. i'm so happy :)

i love this :) i can do this now. cool! i REFUSE :| it's easter tomorrow !
i can not eat lots of chocolate ahhh.
 oh well.

I am in such a bad mood. I feel like everyone, almost, is against me.
 So what if I've 'lost a bit of weight' ? Maybe size 10 is my perfect size, maybe 8 is, maybe 6. So.

I saw my Grandma a few minutes ago, which was interesting. My new black, high-heeled wedge shoes prove to be somewhat problematic.
 If I wear them with black tights [they're black too], they lengthen and thin out my legs. Even though I protested & told her that they make my legs look thinner than they really are she kept insisting it wasn't my legs [lol!], but my chest and that I looked 'emancipated' [i know, i know. it would've been hilarious if it wasn't me]. I'm not particularly emancipated, or emaciated, which is what she meant.

 I asked if I could stay there tonight & she was like "only if you're going to eat" & I was like .. yes. I am tired of this :/. I wish everyone would accept that it's my body, and if I want to eat I will eat. If I feel like I don't want to eat I won't. Jamie etc. aren't a problem :) happily. 
 Actually, weirdly enough, they're quite good. Except Jazz, because she knows. 

It was so fun :) I got to Heworth metro station in the car with peetle beetle, 13 minutes late & I got out of the car & RAN in & down the stairs :) & Ami was like "Wow! Have you lost weight on your legs? They look really thin!" & I was like "wow, i hope so.." :) & Jamie was like "that's made her day" & I was like hahaha. unfortunately it's true.

So we went to see Juno [again :)] & sadly I had two mini lollies, 2 revels & a cherry sweet. >:( & when I got home... don't ask.
 Let's just say I've started bingeing & considering things & then not doing them, not because I chose not to do them but because I couldn't possibly do it secretly.

I'm glad I'm not at home tonight, cuz right now I am tired of my 'small' family. I wish I could just curl up & die. It's so annoying, because I'm not even anywhere near 'emaciated', for God's sake.
 People that are emaciated are dying, quite quickly.
I reckon I'm still floating around for some time, to be honest.
 Hahaha my grandma said I've lost all my chest. Unfortunately not the case. There's still quite a lot lounging around like an unwanted Christmas present.

I need someone to care, yet not care, at the minute.
It's weird. I feel so sorry for everyone, because one minute I wish everyone did care, & notice, & not just compliment me & let me spiral further. And then another minute I'm grateful, grateful that either no-one cares or no-one's bothered enough. 

I don't know what to wear tomorrow. Really, I want to wear my new, cream beaded shift dress, cuz I love it to bits. But I should wear my 1950s tea dress, because.. I love it too, & I want to wear my lovely shift dress on Easter sunday, which is going to be interesting.

It's weird, because at first I was so happy that my mama was pregnant. But right now, I really don't like her & what's worse is that she really doesn't like me. It's weird because I hate it when my friends don't talk to me, but it's a thousand times worse when someone that's actually, genuinely supposed to love you no matter what refuses to speak to you. In fact it's a really crap feeling.. & surely, it's definitely immature & something that mothers can't do, right? 

I know that she's a person as well as a mother, but y'know.. she can't act 13 years old. I hope this baby is a nice one, because my mother's not nice right now. She is hormonal & huffy & generally hellish to be with. Even though she's ignoring me & refusing to speak with me, she's still going on about food, which is ironic really.
 Refusing to speak to me isn't making me want to eat to make her happy, really.

I want to please people, sure, but.. I don't feel like pleasing the people that should mean the most, right now. I'm tired of everything.
 I'm tired of getting good grades & trying to be perfect. I wish I was just perfect. I know my mother doesn't really care about grades in maths, but I wish I could just for once get a D and not an E. [I know, don't even ask.] I revised really hard for my assessment & apparently got the highest in the class & yet, still failed, wow. 

I got quite good grades in everything else, perfect A*s for English, As for Spanish, RE & French, cool, but it's not perfect. I hate this being so... fakely perfect. I love my new red lipstick & my new dresses & my new shoes & ... the new me, actually. I don't miss the girl wearing flowery peasant dresses, faded ankle boots & trying to look thin & poor but still effortlessly glamorous.
 I do like this new me, like the old me, but better, much better.
Much thinner, even taller [shoes XD], more glamorous and strangely, much more mature & old-fashioned.

I'm tired of writing now, mainly because I'm writing almost as if I'm writing for therapy. Maybe I am, God knows. Bye.

Today was quite good again :) Except RE, wow. That boy is so mean.

Physics: Was ... interesting :/ Me & Jazz sat & pretended to know what to do, so I just did my risk assessment & stuff, instead, since Jamie still wasn't in..
RE: .. Well, it started cool, it was just me & Ami talking, & we were meant to be in a group, & so we organised our group, but then the teacher decided she was choosing our groups, & i ended up with Andrew Carrick, wow.. he's so evil. I can't really explain it, he was just.. o.<
French: I just had to copy out my coursework & review my conversation questions with the teacher :) So it was okay, me & Ami just talked really.
Textiles: [double :)] It was quite fun :) I had to appliqué a diamond but it turned into a kite.. whoa, I'm so incapable. But I managed to bondaweb it & zigzag stitch it okay. So at least it was a decentish kite.
 Then we had to make these cute little things for ski hats <3.
I had a tassel, a knotted end, & a pinked end.
 Then we had to do an exam question.. & write out the method for appliqué without the little flowcharts. :| Not terrible :).

It's really weird but actually school is okay without Jamie :S Dinnertimes are less stressful, since him & Jorja aren't arguing.
 Hahahah wow. Corrina weighs 11 stone. I love that :)! I totally don't weigh 11 stone. lovely :D

Today's F o o d  L o g :
so far 
melon, special k bar, plum, carrot sticks, couscous, vegetables.

I've enlightened beccy & claire ^______^~ for manga night, we're all going to be ******-chan together ^____^
 claire's theme is childish. beccy's is lime green & mine is childish/hello kitty/pucca/hearts/stripes. wow ^____^ i'm sou excitedd! 

i love antic café so much again right now :)! they're really good, i love their new stuff. my favourite song is 'life is..' but i can't find it :( oh noo.

  Happy monday :) It's a nice day today, even though Jamie wasn't in.

RE: RE was funny :) I actually did more work than I've ever done before :) lol, because Jamie wasn't in. Wow, I do lots of work when he's not in. 

PE: Aerobics was so exhausting! :| We had to do star jumps like every 20 seconds, but I kept going ^___^ I hope it burned the 80 calories of a slice of melon, lol. It should've, 1 hour of aerobics. 

Biology: was fun ^_____^ It was in an IT room so I sat next to Jazz [where we sit in IT XD] & we 'researched' & sent each other emails, cool :) 

Maths: :( lonely! I had a booklet of constructions @___@ to do!!
it was quite hard :s wow, i am very bad at maths. 

I.T.: Yayyyy :) I love this lesson :] it's fun~ I sit with Jazz & the rest of our team is split up :/ there's four of us but. XD we work together :) we had to make some professional products & we worked together on most of them, we actually made most of the whole group.

I am so into taking photos of outfits atm, so i'm going to post some. :)

( lovely? )

 

  Food Log for Today :)

Melon, Special K bar, carrot sticks, plum, rice & vegetables, 4 rich tea fingers.

 

Friday & Saturday were fun! 

 Friday was just a regular school day, really, except it was early finishing [2.00pm], so I went to my Grandma's after I went on a mission to buy red lipstick [j'adore]. :)

I went to see my aunty & uncle & my sort-of-cousins [one half cousin, 2 completely unrelated]. It was nice, I stood in the kitchen & talked to Lucy & looked at the fish.  

Okay! There's an anime/manga mini convention on at Waterstones the day after my birthday. I'm going to put in some photos, & I want people to guess my planned costume~!

 Wow :); Sorry for the blurryness. & also my face!!
I just took this photo a while ago hahaa. I want you to guess my costume. I'll give you another few clues.
 Is it getting any easier to guess? [by the way, the fluffy thing is a princessy crown.]
 Final clue. [sorry for awful picture. the pink thing beneath my heart skirt is another skirt.]

I promised the photos from meeting up with Jade & Marc, so..
 Me & Jade in McDonalds :) 
 Jade & her burger :)
 Marc getting a piggyback from Jade :D

I love my new red lipstick. But no-one else does :( Apparently it's too dark for my face. Cool. I like it, it's lovely.
 I like it. My mama says it makes me look like I'm 'getting off a plane to go to war', wow. I suppose I do look like that..
I love my dress :) It's a 1950s-style teadress. Primark :)! I decided I needed red lipstick to set it off.
 Lovely fat arms :) I dunno why, but I love taking photos lying against things.
 This photo I actually really like. I was totally born at the wrong time.. I should've been 15 in the 1920s/1950s. I even got some pearls today, finally! Louise Brooks pearls.
 Beccy took this in McDonalds :) I like it, even though I look chubby :|! & my new pearls aren't shown off to their true beauty.

Today I bought two new dresses, and some pearls.
 My dresses are from Primark :) and one is a cream shift dress with a lace panel and buttons down the front, and the other is really New Romantic-style :) it's cream with lace trimming and a big square front panel. They're so hard to describe since they're both so lovely.

Anyway :) Please guess my costume!
Byee :)
xxxx

:) Today was good. I feel like doing that thing where I write down all my lessons & how they were, I'm bored.. and doing a French Reading [Higher].

French: Not bad :) I had to do my coursework, or.. well, copy what I've done so far [almost finished :) third piece], with the corrections.
I'm so bad at ... what d'you call it when you write 'they were' and it's 'étaient' ?? grammar? I hate grammar.. c'est trop dificile pour moi!

Physics: Interesting. ^^; I sat & wire-clipped the sides of the wire holder & made it into diagonal shapes [sadly, the whole thing fell apart :).. Mr Physics was like 'whoa now' XD] whilst Jamie & Lauren faffed about with various bits of coursework :). Apparently, if we finish all of this coursework perfectly, + Chemistry + Physics.. we're actually finished [forever!] with science, wow. I hope so .

I.T.: :) I love this lesson! Jazz is in my team & my class, & she sits next to me & it's hilarious; our team's totally split into two groups. There's four people but Vicky & Alys always work 'together' and me & Jazz always do too. Like Alys was meant to be making the business card today, but I did it instead :) She was like "I don't get it" & so me & Jasmine demonstrated, by just making a shape & pasting the logo on & writing some stuff & she was like "I was doing that exactly.. in Word" & we were like "DO IT IN PAINT!" Then I just did it, & Jasmine made it look all lovely & pretty & more business card-y. :) It was lovely.

English: :) I like English, my teacher is so lovely. Today we did Paper 1 Section A, which was... well :) Not exactly enjoyable but I guess I do want to get an A* for my English GCSE, & my coursework is all A*.

RE: Ahh, j'adore la réligion. C'était fantastique! Lol. I love RE, we just basically sit & talk all lesson. About Jamie's fascination with buildings :) & a lot more.. It was fun, we were doing about 'racial harmony', so I wrote about Martin Luther King & I did mine all nice & pretty like
 M A R T I N
L U T H E R
   K I N G
& then lots of information, well.. a bullet point then 'black Baptist minister', then I kinda lost interest & started discussing things.
 
On Saturday I'm going to Newcastle with Jade, Beccy & Marc. :D I'm excited, I haven't seen them for so long. I'm going to wear:
* Black and white patterned 1950s-style teadress
* Flesh coloured tights
* Gold Mary Janes

I love shopping :) I have, for once, lots of money to spend, for getting a good report. I'm in one of those lovely listy moods, so I'm going to write my grades & stuff.


My Report

• English - A* :)
• French - A :)
• Spanish - A :)
• RE - A :)
• Chemistry - C :)
• Biology - C :)
• PE - C :)
• I.T. - C/Pass :)
• Physics - D :S
• Textiles - D :S
• Maths - E :| [Quelle surprise; je n'aime pas le maths.]

:) I think it was quite a good report, my mama is pleased. I only failed maths, and it doesn't matter to my family, since I've made up for it with languages and English. She gave me 10 pounds to spend on Saturday with Jade & Marc & Bex, so I'm happy. I love shopping. I saw a cute shift dress last week, patterned, with three big black and gold buttons down the front, with three-quarter length sleeves, and I loved it, it was so 60s, but my grandma thought it made me look too thin and shapeless. Haha, chance would be a fine thing. I'm going to try it on Saturday for Jade & Beccy. 
I have to find nice clothes for Jade, too, because she loves my style, wow. :) My mama says I should buy some Mary Janes to wear with my dresses, when I can't be bothered with my wedges [I'm 6'0" in them :)] and my gold ones, although I love them, I do love different colours.
I'd actually love some white pointy ones to wear with my 1950s dress.

 I've recorded loads of really old, lovely films to watch on Sky Plus.
I really love old, 1920s - 1960s style things right now, and Audrey Hepburn films fit right in. I really want to watch old silent movies, like with Louise Brooks & Clara Bow. 
I'll post the photos with Jade, Beccy & Marc next time I update.
 

Hello. :) I haven't posted for a very long time. Since Chloé's 16th birthday. I didn't even write about it, after all that, haha.
 I've really changed, whoa.
My hair is the same length, I think.
My clothes/style has really changed.
My general appearance is.. more or less the same.
Maybe I'm a lot thinner. Apparently..

So.. how is everyone? :) I'm totally fine. I've been doing so much singing recently :). On Tuesday I performed in a school show, the Disney show, and I sang Journey to the Past from Anastasia. Wow, such a beautiful song. Unfortunately.. I forgot my words, cool. :); 
But Mr Nelson told me them and I was like "Thanks. *continues*"
So it all turned out okay, and I wore my lovely 1920s gold flapper dress. I love it, I bought it for Foals but they sold out, cool.

I still love to sing Ayumi Hamasaki songs, but recently I've become totally obsessed with a Chihiro Onitsuka song; Infection. It's so lovely and tragic and beautiful. The PV makes me cry, even though I don't understand it. I really love to sing Powder Snow and Infection, both songs are so powerful and sad. I love how singing Infection leaves me exhausted; it's a song that really needs the singer to convey their emotion, Chihiro Onitsuka seems so tired when she sings it live.

I'm almost sixteen now, wow, last year I was writing "Why am I not sixteen yet? I want to go to Amecon" ... and yet, this year, I don't even care about those things anymore, it's so sad. I suppose I am finally growing up a little bit. I hope not. I don't think I'll ever grow up. I have three new dresses, and my favourite one was only one pound. :)
I love buying cheap clothes, but then wearing them for ages and ages.
I love charity shops. Especially with Jasmine, she's so good at them!

I have my GCSEs in a few months.. whoa, it's so scary. I don't really like to think about them because then I think "I might fail them", or "I might not get into sixth form", and then I feel like a failure and that's bad. I love Spanish, French and English, they remain to be my forté, other than singing and that's mainly outside of school. I'm actually getting really good at singing. I sang 'Run' [Snow Patrol cover] by Leona Lewis at an audition. I got to the next 15, but not 12.

I really love that song, it's so lovely. I feel like I want to take lots of pictures, but I can't. It's 12:22. I love my new clothes so much. They feel like a new me. Like the old me, but better. I should go to sleep soon. I really feel like I want to take pictures and cook or prepare food.
But I can't, it's 12:24. My friends are so strange. They used to seem so lovely and really nice and give me lots of nice memories, but now they kind of ignore me unless they're alone too, which is cool I guess.

I miss the party days and the days at museums and the days in Primark and well.. I suppose I miss being a part of everything. I used to think I was fitting in nicely, like a lovely little jigsaw piece. But now I suppose something's changed, except I don't know what. At least it's my sixteenth birthday in a few weeks, so I can have a lovely party and go to a nice restaurant. I'm going out with Jade, Marc and Beccy on Saturday, and I'm so excited. I haven't seen Jade and Marc for ages.

It's now officially Monday. I suppose I don't hate Mondays. I do dislike them, but I like having PE last lesson. It's fun now, we do these cool exercise videos and I love them. I wish I had one, or I had time to do one. Now it's 12:29. I feel all hollow and empty and I like it.
I don't understand my friends sometimes, or they don't understand me.
I thought they never said anything mean to be because they liked me;
Jamie told me it was in case I attempted suicide and it was their fault.

That's such a strange thing for "friends" to say, isn't it? Or is it totally normal and cool to say that. I don't think I even know anymore.
It's 12:31 now. I'm going to bed after I've finished this, I am so tired.
But.. do they seriously think I would? Actually.. saying that, it does definitely depend on what they say. I suppose they know my limits better than I do, somehow. It's actually so funny. There's a girl at school who doesn't ever eat lunch and they always debate her.

It's quite funny, because they never go out with her, but they "know" her. But they said to me "Well, at least you eat something, you know?". Which was cool, like.. they've accepted/ignored me. I told them something really huge, but the only people that actually seem to realise this, and other things are Jamie and Jasmine. I find it sort of.. funny, it's quite lovely really, that they just don't care. If I actually just, like, dropped dead one day they would be like ":S I wonder what happened."

I'm going to bed now. :)
Night.
Lots of love,
Poppy.
xxxx
&hearts;

PS:
I'm not even at my plateau yet. I wish I could fly.

 

Saturday was great :) I went to the town with:
 Bex, Ami, Vicki, Jazz, Hannah, Claire, Georgia, Shauna, Emma & Susan.
But it wasn't entirely wonderful at first, cuz Bex & Claire don't get on with Vicki etc, apparently :| & also, I apparently didn't tell them I was inviting the others.. I'm sure I did :| but it all worked out eventually[ish].. I got weighed :| I've put on 3lb, so ..... y'know, fuck that 3lb, it's so not staying there.

 Later on in H&M I bought a mustard yellow top <3 [will take pics soonish, when camera works :)], & an electric blue cardigan from Primark :) I love it, it's cute with my pinafore =].
 I also have a new hat fetish going on, & I like to wear my blue/green beret :) but as a Rasta hat, rofl, pulled back.

 On Sunday me, Vicki, Jazz, Ami, Hannah, Charlotte, Emma, & Susan went up to Newcastle again, to meet Connor from Durham Uni :), he lives in Sunderland.
 We went to a 50s diner XD & I had like, 40p so I had to borrow money from Ami XD;. It was good, but Charlotte, Emma & Susan left straight away :| We thought Charlotte was angry with us & it was funny :) Then we went wandering around, & eventually ended up in Starbucks, loudly debating Pokémon & Digimon :D & other stupid 90s trends. :) There were French people sitting next to us & they gave us evils XD~ Connor took the piss out of our accents haha, apparently we pronounce pier as "pee-ah" lmfao. So we were sitting there trying to pronounce it "pee-er" lmao. I bought brazil nuts :D They're nice.

Chloé's 16th birthday party tomorrow, we're going in a Hummer/limo at 12 =], & I'm wearing . . . 

Purple V-neck sweater
Grey woollen pinafore
|Black| leggings
Purple faux-suede boots
Purple beanie hat
Grey woollen cardigan if it's cold

:) I'm excited!! We're meeting at 12 at Heworth metro station, then we're getting the bus to Chloé's dad's, & then being driven about, & then having a little party :) Excitement!

 Going to check MySpace now =]
Byee <3
[x x x x]

 In a really good mood <3
Even though my boyfriend broke up with me.
 Even though James told me I turned Anth gay.
Even though.... tbh, today sucked a bit.
 I'm still happy!

Wearing for Saturday/town:
 Green flowery smock top
Black skinny jeans
 Yellow flat shoes
Purple beads
 Plastic transparent bangle
Wooden flowery carved bangle
 Black & white flowery bag
Turquoise beret/Purple Sid hat [XD]
 
 I'm buying a .... I dunno what you actually call them, flat hats that flop over, you just pull them over your head.. Bex calls them Rasta hats?
 Basically I'm buying one =].

I feel like a perfect student; I got an A for my Physics coursework! I'm so amazed *_*~